Time to Eat

For any moms that have breast fed or at least given it a whirl, you'll understand. For me, there was no question whether to breast feed. I knew it was the best thing for him even if it wasn't the simplest thing to do. I knew breast milk contained all the vitamins and nutrients he would need for the first 6 months. It has been shown to protect against gastrointestinal and respiratory problems and ear infections. It is natures immune boaster. Its been found that breast feeding (no solids) for the first six months makes the baby less likely to develop food or respiratory allergies, possibly protecting against these well into adolescence. Studies have shown that there is a link between breast fed babies and higher IQs, protection against obesity later in life, childhood leukemia and type 1 diabetes.  The list continues.... may lower the babys risks of SIDS, and there are even benefits for mom.... lose your baby weight, lower stress levels and may even reduce the risks of certain cancers. I am not preaching that this is the only option, it is certainly a personal choice but for me, it was a simple decision. 

If its the most natural thing, why does it not come so naturally? I remember breaking down in the hospital at some bizarre hour of the night. The nurse had brought Jack in for feeding and I had no luck. Yes, I had tried earlier in the day and after numerous attempts actually got him to latch on. This time, ugh! He was screaming and I could not for the life of me figure out how to get him latch on (its much easier when you have a lactation nurse helping). I got all emotional because I could not figure it out and he was screaming because he just wanted to eat. I called the nurse back in and after she attempted to help with no success, I gave in and decided to give him formula. At that point, him eating was much more important and I'd try again. My first night in the hospital We asked that Jack be kept in the nursery just so I could catch up on some rest since my water broke at 3 am that morning and I had not taken a nap at all. I guess he got used to the quick return of the bottle.

The next day I decided to keep trying but to also try pumping to get the production of milk moving along. I totally don't get it, if it takes a few days for your milk to come in, how do you keep a baby satisfied? From that point on with several failed attempts and minimal successful feedings I decided that I would solely pump and bottle feed him with the breast milk. I didn't care either way as long as he was getting the milk, I was happy. At first he was taking more formula than breast milk just because my supply had not yet reached a level to sustain his demand. Whatever I could get, he got. Over time it switched and he nearly solely got breast milk. 

Pumping worked out great for me! A strange thing at first, being hooked up to a machine like a cow at the dairy farm being tugged at. It was comical and embarrassing at first, than it just became routine. Pumping allowed me to feed Jack easily where ever, whenever. I did not have to excuse myself at a restaurant or scurry to find a restroom at a store. I always had a supply of milk in the freezer and just a few minutes in a glass of hot water, voila warm milk. He got formula when I was not able to warm the milk. I didn't have to be the only one to feed Jack, my husband could help... which was much appreciated in the middle of the night, we could take turns! For some people breast feeding is a big part of bonding but I don't feel like I missed out on any bonding, I always gazed in awe at him while feeding. 

So for nearly nine months, I scheduled my days around pumping between 4 and 5 times a day. Today was the first day I did not. Today, the dairy farm is officially closed for business, that is until the next baby comes along. I have such mixed feelings. I am loving that I feel free! I am not spending my day worrying about making sure I drank enough water, didn't eat anything that would give the baby gas or how I would fit all the pumping in. I can go out for a whole day without that backpack and a cooler! I can enjoy a glass of wine, or two. As joyful as it was to pack up the pump, I can't help but feel a bit guilty too. I know that everything I've read says that the first six months are the most important, and I did that but still part of me wonders if I should have just sucked it up and finished off his first year, when at that point he could start drinking cows milk. I know that just because I'm making the switch to strictly formula doesn't mean that he hasn't already gotten amazing benefits from my milk or that he is going to get sick. Its just that I know that my milk is the best thing. I do know that nine months is great, its just emotionally a tough thing to just stop after routinely doing it for so long. Another stage, another step in this journey of motherhood... he is now  big boy, sitting in a high chair, holding his own bottle, eating solid foods (yes, of course I cook all his food too) and learning to chew. He is perfect in every way possible!