Constant Change

My beautiful son is only 9 months old (almost) and the amount of change in him that has occurred is truly amazing. How is it that in only a 9 month period does that little 6lb 12oz baby boy turn into a 20lb ball of energy. This constant change and the fact this this is our first child, I am keep track of it all in the notes section of my iPhone. Every first of his, the discoveries and growth.

 It doesn't feel like it was that long ago that Steve and I broght him home from the hospital. A little peanut, his take home outfit was huge on him. An adorable linen shorts overall outfit with a very cute old man sweater, he was swimming in it. As a newborn, he slept a lot! I loved just letting him sleep soundly on my chest, so peaceful and he seemed to fit so perfectly. That same outfit that he came home from the hospital in, barely fit only 2 months later. It is so sad to retire all the clothes that no longer fit. The "newborn" sized stuff barely lasted 2 months before having to be packed away in a box. Its not easy to see how quickly he was getting taller and gaining weight. Yes, I completely understand that those are good things, he is supposed to grow. The sad part is that it all happens so fast, you can hardly remember how he fit into that outfit or tiny diaper.

So we move onto the next batch of clothes. And yes, me being slightly compulsive, organized his closet by size than used his armoire and dresser for the clothes he fit into in the present moment. But its not only the clothes.... there is so much change in him.... his ability to see clearer, to react to our facial expressions, to focus on a toy or book. As the months went by there was constant adjustment.... the amount of milk he took at a feeding, the toys that kept his interest, the napping...

I am very grateful that we are basically on a schedule with Jack, it seems to work. He is now taking two naps a day, each lasting between and hour and two. This is not to say that there are wacky days. The tough part is nighttime, still doesn't sleep through the night but generally only wakes up once a night. The once a night is no comparison to every two hours during the first month or so. As far as the rest of the day.... there is a morning bottle, breakfast, play, nap, bottle, play, lunch, bottle, dinner, bath, sleep.

Back to the whole changes.... so I mentioned that i've been keeping track of everything... for example... by 2/3 months he was making a lot more noises and giving beautiful smiles. September 3, almost 4 months old, is really trying to roll over. Week of September 7, really starts checking out his feet. September 12, 6:45 pm Jack rolls over all my himself (of course while Steve and I were in the kitchen for a split second)! October 16 first tooth breaks through! October 21 he figures out how to lift his knees and chest at the same time but just rocks back and forth, very cute! October 26, holds his own bottle. By the first week of November he has reached 6 teeth!!! November 13 while getting a shot, he cried hi first real tear! The next day we start solids, oatmeal! His favorites now is basically anything orange, butternut squash, carrots, sweet potato, and seems to like blueberries and banana! And yup, anyone who knows me knows I love to cook, so I make all of jacks food (except for the cereal stuff)! December rolls around and he starts pulling himself up on his bouncy seat. December 5 he takes his first real crawling steps! December 19 starts clapping. December 26 starts cruising, December 30 gets up first step. It was official in January that he most definitely says "hi kitty"... he does say mama, dada and baba just not sure if he knows why yet... but he definitely knows his kitties! He now moves quickly from crawling to sitting up, he bounces to music, loves playing peek a boo, enjoys chasing his kitty cats and will be starting a class at a little gym in a couple weeks.

The time goes so quick and he is constantly growing, learning, laughing, smiling and changing.... its hard sometimes but each day must be cherished because before Steve and I know it he will be all grown up. I hate when people say, oh I bet you can't wait for him to be done with this or to do that on his own... I try not to do this... because then everything will have just passed by in a flash.... trying to live for each moment!

In a Flash

Where does the time go? It is amazing how life passes by in what seems like a split second.

Rewind approximately 11 1/2 years ago... I met my husband the summer before going into my sophomore year of high school, I was 15, Steve a few weeks from turning 14. We were so young! I can remember playing field hockey, I was the lucky girl that had the boyfriend that would bring her treats for after the game. We went to different schools, so we attended four proms. We were not perfect, we had things that we worked through, but we were truly high school sweethearts. I loved him with all my heart, but not nearly in the way or to the extent that I do now. For us, as time has passed we've grown closer and fallen more deeply in love with each other. We know each other better than anyone else knows us.

We got engaged April 29, 2005... the night of RU Fest, day before Ag Field Day, though no correlation. It was a few weeks before my college graduation. What an exciting time in life. I no longer had a boyfriend, he was now my fiance! What a fun word, FIANCE! There was no real rush to get married at this point, Steve had one more year left of school and I needed to find a job. Luckily a few months after graduation, I was hired at the place I did my internship! It was a great job, simple enough but I was doing something good.... protecting soil :) At this point we were living in an apartment off campus, our first home together, it was great! Plus I was never cut out to do the whole roommate thing. We had gotten our first pet the past December, Bailey cat! We were so happy. May 2006, I had to have eye surgery, Steve was there for me every step of the way, what an amazing support! A week or so later Steve graduated. Of course by this time there was wedding planning happening! A girl dreams of this time, though planning got stressful here and there, it was worth it, it as for our wedding day! 

September 15, 2007, our wedding day! The day started early, cold and rainy. By time it was time to hop in the limo to get to the bed and breakfast we had the ceremony at, it was warm, sunny and a bit soggy. After the slight glitch that the jazz band we hired for the ceremony forgot about the day, and we had to play a cd out of Steves dads car.... the day was perfect! We planned for months and in a flash the day was over. We have wonderful photos and a video to go back to, to relive the day but there it was an amazingly important day in our lives was over. Its funny because when you've dated someone for so long, you can't wait to get engaged. You get engaged and can't wait to plan the wedding. The wedding is over and on to the next thing. 

Its so hard to live in the moment. To just enjoy the dating period without questioning when that ring is coming. Or to enjoy rather than stress about the hundreds of little details required in planning your big day. A good friend gave me some great advice for my wedding day... to do my best to stop every hour, look around to soak it all up and just say ahh this is my wedding day! The day goes so quickly. I remember being so upset to hear the time and there was only an hour left and than it was all over. We had an amazing day but it goes so quickly that it is a huge blur. Luckily our honeymoon lasted a lot longer, an amazing amazing amazing 16 day cruise in the mediterranean. We had the most incredible time, we saw so many beautiful things, experienced so many places. Those 16 days, though exhausted, flew by and before we knew it, our honeymoon was over. 

September 15, 2008. Our one year wedding anniversary and the day we found out we were expecting our first child. We had only just tried the month before but I thought, hey if it worked, today would be a great day to find out on. I ran to the drug store, picked up a two pack of pregnancy tests and headed home. I don't know what I expected really, could it really have happened after our first try? I took the first one, waited a very long  minutes, and there it was... a + sign! I cried with joy when I saw it. Just to be sure, I took the second, and yup there it was again! I had planned a nice home cooked meal to celebrate our anniversary and I knew I wanted to tell Steve in person, but in a fun way. Just a few months prior, we were lucky enough to go back to Italy and while we were there we went to visit Antonio Viva, a sandal maker in Capri. While there he gave us a pair of baby booties. I had put them away after the trip.... and thought that would be perfect.... I ran upstairs wrapped the booties and than placed them on Steves plate. When he came home from work I had him open them. I think he was completely in shock... I think his first words went something like "no way??" Of course I saved the tests to show him. 

Fast forward 9 months... May 12, 2009 we are blessed with the most beautiful baby boy! Any fears or worries just seemed to slip away and everything was perfect. Jack was healthy and we finally had or very own family! Jack is now 8 months old and its so sad to think that a mere 8 months has passed but Jack has changed so much. He has so quickly gone from a helpless, tiny peanut to a our little man who is crawling around the house chasing the two cats, pulling himself up on everything and cruising, says "hi kitty", "ma ma", "da da" and "ba ba" (though we think the only one he means to say is hi to the kitty cats). He has grown out of hundreds of outfits, he is eating real baby food, sits in a big boy car seat and in a highchair! In a flash he went from my beautiful 6lb 12oz little boy to my 20lb ball of energy. If the last eight months has gone by this quick, I can't imagine how time will continue to go by so fast! Soon enough he'll be walking instead of crawling, talking instead of babbles, going to preschool..... its scary!

We have been through sickness and health, good times and bad, ups and downs. We have survived and now we share a life together, a beautiful son that has brought us closer than I think either of us could have imagined... and I couldn't be happier! We are our own family and now thats what life is about, making sure we are safe, healthy and happy! Just as the past 11 1/2 years have flown by, I'm sure the next decade will fly by too. Like a friend told me.... I will try to live in the moment. To not get caught up in the daily little stresses that in the grand scheme of things, mean nothing. Life goes by too quickly, so I choose to live life to the fullest, to be happy now and always! 

Great Expectations

I am a stay at home mom and I think its the greatest and most rewarding job ever! With that being said...

So it takes two people to make a baby yet once the baby makes their beautiful entrance into the world the expectations to do it all is put on mom. I am not complaining, I have a wonderful hard working, kind husband. He was amazing when we came home from the hospital and I couldn't do much but heal from a c-section. He changed nearly every diaper, dressed him, fed him... everything including taking care of me. I was so impressed with how amazing he was with Jack, he seemed to just know what to do with having zero experience with babies. 

A week goes by and back to work for dad. While I had the help of family, things do change and the responsibility does do a major shift. The routine of things begins. 7 am comes around... dad gets ready for work and mom gets up with the baby, gets him changed and dressed... time for breakfast. Head downstairs, not having had time to dress yourself, time to eat! Warm a bottle, make the cereal and fruit.... feed.  Clean up the messy yet adorable face and time to play! If lucky, the peanut will play in his play pen for long enough just to wash the bottles, bowls and pump parts. We read stories, play with an interactive farm, music center, stuffed animals, whatever. Can't take an eye off him for a minute... those chunky little legs are still wobbly and he hasn't yet figured out that when he lets go of whatever it is he is holding himself up on, he will fall to his butt. That little guy is active... crawling all over, climbing on top of anything those little legs can get up on. The laughs and smiles are wonderful. Still in the back of my head there is a list of things that need to get done that are put on hold until nap time. There is laundry piled up, cleaning, dishes... and the list goes on. Of course the dirty clothes and dishes aren't going anywhere and they will get done but I guess its just knowing that when the first nap rolls around there is a lot to get done in a short amount of time... including maybe fitting in a shower and putting real clothes on. 

Lunch time rolls around and after filling up that little belly, it means that yes, finally, the first nap time has arrived! Sound asleep, holding onto his favorite caterpillar, he peacefully lays there asleep. Time to get to it... first sneak in a quick lunch, then onto the list. That hour to two hour nap flies by! Play time again... now full of energy after a restful nap. At this point we look forward to dad coming home. He gets a great big smile when he walks in the door. After a long day of work he is handed the peanut so I can start dinner, both for us and for Jack. After dinner, time for a bath. Jack loves his bath time, the smile and bouncing at the side of the tub is the big indicator of that. He loves to splash around in his tub! Time for PJs and than a little more play time before bed. At this point, the day has been long and I'm exhausted from chasing after him all day long. It is a wonderful moment when I lay him down and he is sound asleep. 

Its a long day and it seems that dads expect that everything that needs to be taken care of is to be done by us. What about helping out with something... maybe a couple baths a week, a couple feedings, a couple putting to bed.... What an amazing break, not from the baby but a break from doing everything. I hate when people just figure that since we are home all day that we should do it all. I totally get where the term "super mom" comes from. We are expected to juggle everything and if we're lucky we get to do something just for ourselves. I'm not saying that Steve doesn't help but I do think that guys are sometimes oblivious to all the things we stay at home moms do. We don't have the chance to drop everything and watch a movie or just lay in the bathtub for an hour.... Dads have it easy that way, there is something there that allows them the peace of mind to sit and watch the big game and know that the baby will be taken care of, no worries. I'm totally rambling, I realize... so it all goes back to what I first said, if it takes two to make the baby shouldn't the responsibility of duties be somehow split between the two parents as well? I don't think its asking too much just for 30 mins not to worry about what needs to be done... a settled mind even for a brief period is all we moms need to be back at the top of our games, a little quite time does a mommy good. 

Growing up Jersey

First I must give credit to my friend Sam for giving me the topic idea.

I've lived here basically my entire life, though I did live in Brooklyn until I was 3. I don't really have complaints aout my childhood. I enjoyed the schools and friends I made here but now that I have my own family I can't help but feel like there is something missing. I am torn with the idea of picking up and leaving this state, especially because I don't think I'd like to even to stay in the region if I were to make the move. My entire family is here, Steves family is here.... that means that Jacks family is here. What makes a place a home? Is it the people around you, a sense of community, safety, friends or comfort? Obviously the easy choice would be to stay put until we die, we are comfortable here because this is all we know, everyone we love is here.

Steve and I, maybe more jokingly than serious, ponder the idea of moving to North Carolina. Just think of the money we would save! Yes the rebutal of not making as much there is known. But think of it, selling our townhouse (once its not worth less than what we paid) and buying something there.... oh the possibilities! I have zero doubt that we could get a home with more bedrooms, a beautiful yard for Jack to run around in a neighborhood that has block parties and a town center with quaint family owned shops that we could enjoy on a warm sunny sunday. Is it too much to ask for? If it was just the three of us we would pack up tomorrow and go, but it isn't and we won't.

It all comes back to family. Would it be completely unfair to leave everyone behind, to take away the one and only grandchild? Is it fair for us to live here just for that reason? What about our dream? What trumps what? For me, i'd miss being so close to my brothers. At the same time, I want Jack to have a nice home, good schools, a sense of stability and safety..... Right now, besides our family and comfort there is nothing else holding us here. Then there is the thought when we have another child, will we be able to afford for me to stay at home with the kids or will someone else be experiencing the daily joys of the little ones while mom and dad work. If it were only us it would be so simple but for now we will go no where and maybe just keep dreaming that one day we will live in a different place to live a simpler more laid back life... to work to live and not live to work.

Turning into "Mommy"

I have been married for two and a half years to my high school sweetheart. I consider myself so lucky to have met Steve when I did. We have grown together and experienced so much. We have traveled all over... Florida, Italy, France, Spain, Croatia, Greece, Turkey, California (to name a few). We had a beautiful wedding, we have a beautiful home and two very amusing kitty cats. On September 15th 2008, our 1 year wedding anniversary, we were blessed with the news that we were expecting our first child. What a joyful day. I so vividally remember taking the test and crying when I saw the plus sign. Nine months later, on May 12th 2009 at 6:01 AM our beautiful baby boy was born. Fast forward.... Jack will turn 8 months next week! Its amazing how quickly time goes. It feels like yesterday that I was in the hospital recovering from a c-section.... now here we are and he is crawling around the house, he spoke his first words "hi kitty" and learning the climb the steps.
I remember being pregnant and hearing the dreaded words from everyone... "your life is over". I didn't understand it than and I don't understand it now. Sure life changes, drastically, but why do people make it as though you might as well give up on any dreams or plans you had prior to starting a family. Jack has changed our lives in the most amazing way. Steve and I are closer than ever and I think the love that we feel for Jack is unlike anything we have ever felt before. You can't help but melt when he smiles (showing those very cute 6 little teeth). Or when he falls asleep in our arms, its as though everything else just disappears into that moment, a safe haven.
I would be a liar if I didn't say things get hard.... there is no such thing as just "running out real quick" to the grocery store or the mall. There is a checklist of things that need to be packed up... diaper bag, bottle bag, and bundling up the little guy in the winter is no easy feat. Things are planned around nap and feeding times. The laundry piles up because he doesn't care to be left unamused for more than 5 minutes. When he naps I clean bottles and shower.... yup showering is not a simple thing anymore. It is quick and rushed, no more long hot baths. And sleepless nights, UGH! Still at nearly eight months old we are not sleeping through the nights... something Steve and I look forward to tremendously!
With all that said, I wouldn't change a thing. I am fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom.... I don't miss out on a single smile, laugh, tear or cuddling moment. I am a lucky person! Daily activities may not be simple anymore but Jack has made me realize that it is the simple things in life that matter most... my wonderful husband and our beautiful baby... thats what makes my life truly worth living for... of course occassional nights out or a trip to the spa don't hurt either. I love being a "mommy"!