It's a Crazy World

I will be the first to admit that I can be a bit paranoid at times. This didn't just come along when Jack came into the picture, I've been a bit paranoid for a long time. I think it all really started when I found out I had an auto immune disease called Graves Disease when I was a sophomore in college. Since then I have always had this fear in the back of my mind that something bad could happen to me or someone I love at any moment. This fear is not something I obsess over or think about daily, just something that is back there in my head that pops out here and there.

Here we are, Jack will be turning 1 in a month and a half! Holy cow did that go fast!!! On another quick note, Carlos Bakery is so out! They were not nice on the phone, seems the tv success has gone to their heads! We have ordered his cake from Pink Cake Box... amazing cakes and the women I spoke with was so patient and kind as we discussed over three phone conversations what would be the perfect cake! I am thrilled and can't wait to see how it turns out! So back to the subject.... Jack is turning 1 which is huge but he is still a baby yet when I read these horrible articles about teen bullying, suicide pacts, drug use and so on, I can't help but worry. I know I am years away from having to deal with these things but I can't help but cringe at the thought of even having to have these horrible discussions one day.

I can't help but wonder if we will teach Jack well enough to trust us, to confide in us with his thoughts and concerns, to believe the things we tell him and to give him good enough sense to be a great person not matter what situation he faces. I read an article yesterday about 9 teens being charged with driving another teen to commit suicide after months and months of physical threats and emotional abuse. I don't get it, how did these people become so mean to think it was okay to do this to another person? Where their parents involved enough, did they do it just so that they weren't made fun of, did they think it was fun?

Its a horribly scary thing to even think about! I knew that as soon as Jack came into the picture, and I mean as soon as I knew I was expecting, I would worry about him. I worried that he would develop and grow properly in my belly, I worried that he would be born with no complications (which he was besides the fact that the lazy boy never flipped himself and decided to stay breached), I worry now that he will get sick or hurt... I will worry on his first day of school, his first school dance, his first date.... I know I will always worry about his well being. Its scary to think that everything Steve and I do will impact him in some way and we want to do right by him so that he grows up to be smart, kind, compassionate, generous and loving. I dread the day that these horrible things you hear about in the news become topics that we will discuss with Jack so that he can go out there in this crazy world and do good and be successful in whatever he choses to do.

Ah, parenthood.