So it takes two people to make a baby yet once the baby makes their beautiful entrance into the world the expectations to do it all is put on mom. I am not complaining, I have a wonderful hard working, kind husband. He was amazing when we came home from the hospital and I couldn't do much but heal from a c-section. He changed nearly every diaper, dressed him, fed him... everything including taking care of me. I was so impressed with how amazing he was with Jack, he seemed to just know what to do with having zero experience with babies.
A week goes by and back to work for dad. While I had the help of family, things do change and the responsibility does do a major shift. The routine of things begins. 7 am comes around... dad gets ready for work and mom gets up with the baby, gets him changed and dressed... time for breakfast. Head downstairs, not having had time to dress yourself, time to eat! Warm a bottle, make the cereal and fruit.... feed. Clean up the messy yet adorable face and time to play! If lucky, the peanut will play in his play pen for long enough just to wash the bottles, bowls and pump parts. We read stories, play with an interactive farm, music center, stuffed animals, whatever. Can't take an eye off him for a minute... those chunky little legs are still wobbly and he hasn't yet figured out that when he lets go of whatever it is he is holding himself up on, he will fall to his butt. That little guy is active... crawling all over, climbing on top of anything those little legs can get up on. The laughs and smiles are wonderful. Still in the back of my head there is a list of things that need to get done that are put on hold until nap time. There is laundry piled up, cleaning, dishes... and the list goes on. Of course the dirty clothes and dishes aren't going anywhere and they will get done but I guess its just knowing that when the first nap rolls around there is a lot to get done in a short amount of time... including maybe fitting in a shower and putting real clothes on.
Lunch time rolls around and after filling up that little belly, it means that yes, finally, the first nap time has arrived! Sound asleep, holding onto his favorite caterpillar, he peacefully lays there asleep. Time to get to it... first sneak in a quick lunch, then onto the list. That hour to two hour nap flies by! Play time again... now full of energy after a restful nap. At this point we look forward to dad coming home. He gets a great big smile when he walks in the door. After a long day of work he is handed the peanut so I can start dinner, both for us and for Jack. After dinner, time for a bath. Jack loves his bath time, the smile and bouncing at the side of the tub is the big indicator of that. He loves to splash around in his tub! Time for PJs and than a little more play time before bed. At this point, the day has been long and I'm exhausted from chasing after him all day long. It is a wonderful moment when I lay him down and he is sound asleep.
Its a long day and it seems that dads expect that everything that needs to be taken care of is to be done by us. What about helping out with something... maybe a couple baths a week, a couple feedings, a couple putting to bed.... What an amazing break, not from the baby but a break from doing everything. I hate when people just figure that since we are home all day that we should do it all. I totally get where the term "super mom" comes from. We are expected to juggle everything and if we're lucky we get to do something just for ourselves. I'm not saying that Steve doesn't help but I do think that guys are sometimes oblivious to all the things we stay at home moms do. We don't have the chance to drop everything and watch a movie or just lay in the bathtub for an hour.... Dads have it easy that way, there is something there that allows them the peace of mind to sit and watch the big game and know that the baby will be taken care of, no worries. I'm totally rambling, I realize... so it all goes back to what I first said, if it takes two to make the baby shouldn't the responsibility of duties be somehow split between the two parents as well? I don't think its asking too much just for 30 mins not to worry about what needs to be done... a settled mind even for a brief period is all we moms need to be back at the top of our games, a little quite time does a mommy good.
I guess that's the infamous question. I have always said I can't do what the super moms do, no way no how. I am lucky if I can entertain the peanut for more than half an hour before he wants his mommy. Unfortunately there is always a disconnect on both sides. Just as the stay at home mom wants some time to herself so does the father who's been at work all day. Watching the big game is a time for the dad to finally not worry about paying the bills or what has to be done to make more money or taking out the garbage. It's that time where all the worries disappear for a few hours. So just as in any relationship there is always the idea that the other isn't pulling his or her weight. The trick is to learn, not fight, about it and figure out how to fix it.
ReplyDeleteAng, Know I'm going away but as I said before I'm there if you need some time to yourself , take a shower, go to store or whatever, it would be my pleasure, all you need to do is ask.
ReplyDeleteLove you all Grandma Lou