It's a Crazy World

I will be the first to admit that I can be a bit paranoid at times. This didn't just come along when Jack came into the picture, I've been a bit paranoid for a long time. I think it all really started when I found out I had an auto immune disease called Graves Disease when I was a sophomore in college. Since then I have always had this fear in the back of my mind that something bad could happen to me or someone I love at any moment. This fear is not something I obsess over or think about daily, just something that is back there in my head that pops out here and there.

Here we are, Jack will be turning 1 in a month and a half! Holy cow did that go fast!!! On another quick note, Carlos Bakery is so out! They were not nice on the phone, seems the tv success has gone to their heads! We have ordered his cake from Pink Cake Box... amazing cakes and the women I spoke with was so patient and kind as we discussed over three phone conversations what would be the perfect cake! I am thrilled and can't wait to see how it turns out! So back to the subject.... Jack is turning 1 which is huge but he is still a baby yet when I read these horrible articles about teen bullying, suicide pacts, drug use and so on, I can't help but worry. I know I am years away from having to deal with these things but I can't help but cringe at the thought of even having to have these horrible discussions one day.

I can't help but wonder if we will teach Jack well enough to trust us, to confide in us with his thoughts and concerns, to believe the things we tell him and to give him good enough sense to be a great person not matter what situation he faces. I read an article yesterday about 9 teens being charged with driving another teen to commit suicide after months and months of physical threats and emotional abuse. I don't get it, how did these people become so mean to think it was okay to do this to another person? Where their parents involved enough, did they do it just so that they weren't made fun of, did they think it was fun?

Its a horribly scary thing to even think about! I knew that as soon as Jack came into the picture, and I mean as soon as I knew I was expecting, I would worry about him. I worried that he would develop and grow properly in my belly, I worried that he would be born with no complications (which he was besides the fact that the lazy boy never flipped himself and decided to stay breached), I worry now that he will get sick or hurt... I will worry on his first day of school, his first school dance, his first date.... I know I will always worry about his well being. Its scary to think that everything Steve and I do will impact him in some way and we want to do right by him so that he grows up to be smart, kind, compassionate, generous and loving. I dread the day that these horrible things you hear about in the news become topics that we will discuss with Jack so that he can go out there in this crazy world and do good and be successful in whatever he choses to do.

Ah, parenthood.

Bye-Bye Sleepless Nights!

So maybe I am totally jumping the gun but any mother knows the significance of the first signs of finally getting a full nights rest. Sleeping through the night for Steve and I occurred never for the first three months then maybe once or twice a month after that. Most nights we were stumbling out of bed three times a night for maybe 20 minutes at a time. So yes, this is only 1 hour of lost sleep, which in comparison to the first month is nothing, but its still a very disruptive sleep pattern, not great for full mental functionality the following day. Ok so here I am complaining but we all go through it and we all survive and manage to get through the day just fine.

For us, while we couldn't wait for the day for sleepless nights to be a thing of the past we were not doing the "ferber method" ways to get Jack to sleep. We did try one night a few months back. We had heard both sides, people that have done it with great success and those that didn't bother to try. So we let him scream and cry for 10 minutes (recommended is 20 minutes for it to actually work) in his crib, and yea 10 minutes really isn't a long time but with an unhappy baby it feels like an eternity. Supposedly 20 minutes is enough time for the baby to poop themselves out and fall asleep. Well for us when the 10 minutes was up Steve went in to get him. Steve walked back into our room and said, never again. Our poop guy was standing in his crib crying and shaking, we felt horrible and decided then that the ferber method was not for us. We couldn't bear to see him with this horrified face, as though we were abandoning him. We would stick it out until he was ready to just sleep through by himself. So we waited and waited. Things slowly got better, it went from 3 times a night to 2 then only once a night, and here and there we'd get a random full nights sleep.

As of this past Saturday, Jack has slept through the night for a full week!! YAY!!! We are obviously thrilled but still not convinced that this is it, though it would be great. Needless to say it has been a wonderful feeling to sleep through the night, we just feel so much better rested in the morning and the brain feels a whole lot less foggy. This whole thing benefits Jack too of course. We have such a great routine at this point, two 1-2 hour naps during the day and a full nights sleep makes for a much happier baby. Do keep the fingers crossed that we make this the norm from this point on.... hell it only took us 10 months to get here.

Maid or Wife?

Sometimes its hard to feel like a wife, lately I feel more like the maid.  I clean, do laundry, grocery shop, cook, and look after our beautiful baby boy. Will I love the part duties of cooking and raising our son... some days are rough. Those days when you didn't get enough sleep, the baby is more on the unhappy side and you feel like a total exhausted mess by the end of the day... those are the days that I feel more like housekeeper than wife. Don't you sometimes? I think its hard not to when the day goes by so fast and you feel like you simply survived another day rather then enjoyed it.

This time of year, while the weather is amazing, it is always busy. Steve gets busy with work and while it was tough when it was just the two of us, its that much harder now. It sometimes makes it feel like I alone have all the responsibilities of the house (not including bills) and baby. During the day its just me and Jack and I look forward to Steve coming home from work. The tough days are when he comes in stressed from work and then has to do more work when he gets home and I am at the point where I need a 20 minute break from everything... this all equals cranky husband and wife. We sometimes get all snippy without meaning to, but in the end we know that we are each just a bit stressed. By time night rolls around I am pooped and feeling like a mess rather then a sexy wife enjoying some alone time with the hubby. I guess now, it just needs to be more of an effort to save a little energy so I am not so bitter my the end of the day.... thats what laundry, dirty diapers, cleaning and rushing around does to me.

It would be so nice if weeknights were filled with a nice delicious dinner, some playtime with Jack, maybe a movie (once the munchkin is asleep)... instead it feels like we are always rushing to get things done rather then just enjoying some quite time. I would love weekends to not be so packed with projects and running around to make sure that everyone gets their fair time with Jack, its exhausting and before we know it, well Monday has snuck up on us yet again. I want to be able to plan day trips that just the three of us can enjoy, a day out in the warmth of the sun simply soaking up the good things in life.

I hope that we will find the balance that we need between Steve working, my being home, house duties and just plain old relaxation time, fun family outings! Still I wouldn't change a thing on most days.... Jack brings much more joy then the house duties bring stress and Steve and Jack make everything that much better and life worth every hectic day that comes our way!

Another First... Sick Time

Firsts are amazing, especially when it is your first child. The first time he rolled over, first tooth, first word, first steps. Being is sick is one first I could have done without experiencing for Jack. It started Saturday with a terrible cough, runny nose and fever. Ugh, he was so miserable and I felt terrible. By the way, this also happened to be the day we were starting the project of putting up a new backsplash, and when I say we, I mean Steve and his dad. The house was not only a disaster, floors too much of a mess to crawl around on, but Jack was not his happy baby self.

I guess in a way I am lucky. Jack is 10 months old and this is our first battle. I nearly made it all winter with nothing more than a runny nose for a couple days. What is it, Spring starts this weekend, oh so close! I was hoping that my breast feeding him for nine months would ward off the evil germs for a while but these things happen. Not sure where it came from but boy did it hit him good. Its Wednesday and hes still not better. I did take him to the doctor Monday to be sure there was no infection, and thankfully we're clear, just a good old fashioned cough/cold. The horrible part is that he is too young to take anything to clear up the cough, it will have to run its course.

So on one hand I am bummed, I feel helpless, Jack is feeling terrible and I can't do anything to help. On the other hand, I am glad to not fill him with medication in hopes that his immune system will get stronger and be able to fight off infections efficiently in the future. I guess through this experience I have come to the conclusion that when possible I would like to avoid prescriptions but when there is something more serious than a cough or cold then I am okay with giving him something to help his body fight off the infection. You hear too many stories about vaccines or medications becoming ineffective because of over use, our bodies just become immune to the medications. Maybe this is what leads to the superbugs that are drug resistant. With technology always comes unintended consequences, I guess that is one of them.

So, feeling helpless I looked up some natural remedies that could help him feel better.... So figured I'd share what I found. On a side note, Vicks baby rub (which is not medicated) works wonderfully in soothing him at night. So I found a website, www.naturalbabyworld.com which gives several suggestions. One, humidifier, check. Warm bath with essential oils such as eucalyptus, sage or thyme, apparently the vapors can assist in opening the airways allowing easier breathing. So I must take a trip to the store and find at least one of these. They also provide a recipe for a baby rub (similar to the Vicks rub I mentioned except theirs is all natural): "Start with 3 to 4 tablespoons of olive oil and add 2 drops of essential oils to the olive oil. Good oils to use are eucalyptus, sage, rosemary and peppermint oil. A mixture of eucalyptus and rosemary works really well at night, since the eucalyptus will calm your baby’s cough and allow her to breath easier, while the rosemary helps calm her down and drift off to sleep.Mix the olive oil and essential oils well, then apply the mixture to your baby’s chest and back. If the baby is small, swaddle her in a soft blanket, otherwise keep her back and chest as covered as possible with a thicker, tight fitting shirt to build up body heat which will allow the essential oils to vaporize. As baby breathes in the fumes, breathing will get easier."


So hopefully you find those suggestions helpful... I will be giving them a try.... On a biology note, apparently it can take the immune system 3 to 5 days to kick in, so I will hang in there and keep hoping that each day brings a healthier baby. 

1st Birthday Party Planning...

I cannot believe that I am even writing about Jacks first birthday. My little guy turned 10 months Friday! He is getting so big so fast. It amazes me what a difference a few months makes in the capabilities and personality of Jack. So here we are, two months away from his very first birthday, a very exciting celebration!

So the planning begins.... Because of my boredom I ordered his invites way early and they turned out super cute! His party will be a few days after his actual birthday. Since we are an Italian family, well we have a big immediate family and we've decided to keep it at just that plus a few friends, otherwise we'd be throwing a party the size of a small wedding. Somehow though that still gets us to 40 some odd people. I guess thats a good thing right? Lots of people to love Jack! We have decided to take advantage of the fact that his birthday falls in one of the nicest months, May, and will do a full out BBQ. No not your typical hot dogs and burgers. I'm talking brisket, ribs, chicken, baked beans, cold vegetable salads, grilled corn..... YUM! And yes, fingers crossed that the day will be as beautiful as our beautiful boy!

Our theme colors are blue and green to match his invites. For fun I will fill fish bowls with blue and green colored candies, with baggies to fill to take home of course! First off, finding candy in a single color and in a bulk size that is not too big or too small is not so easy! I've found everything from individual sized to 10 lb bags.... now what in the world would I do with a 10 lb bag of jelly belly? So eventually I found that through Amazon, I have plenty of options so that is on my to do list. Then of coarse there are balloons and tablecloths.

Most importantly..... the birthday cake! We are going to order it from Carlos Bakery, yea the "Cake Boss" guy on TLC. Bummed to find out however that we may not be able to get a tiered cake because they need a few months notice, but we will see if we can get them to do it anyhow. If not we will do a single giant round cake with some awesome fondant decoration! Either way I'm sure its going to be adorable!  We figured we'd splurge on cake since we are keeping the party simple with at home cooking.

I love planning parties and this one is incredibly special because it is our first baby's first birthday. I really can't believe that nearly a year has passed since that little guy made his appearance. That 3:00 am wake up call on May 12, 2009 really doesn't seem so far away. That day my life changed, I was a mom! Everyday since then Jack has brightened my life and this celebration is a day to remember how lucky we are and how thankful I am for my little family of three.

I will of course keep you posted as the planning comes along....

The Evil Post Baby Body

So its nearly ten months later and I still struggle with this post baby body I have been left with. Keep in mind, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my little boy. The funny thing it that I loved and embraced my pregnancy. I loved the belly that continued to grow over nine months, I've always had a thing for baby bumps! I was fortunate during the pregnancy, I was told to gain 20 lbs and with no effort I hit that 20 lb mark on the very last doctors appointment, which wound up being 12 hours before my water broke. I felt great and couldn't care less that month by month I gained weight and grew out of clothes quickly.

Now its a bit of a different story. I had Jack and then the evil deep purple redish stretch marks decided to appear on my stomach (thanks to Avons stretch mark cream... you can barely see anything!!! My husband even noticed the difference after only a week of using it!) which was a bit of a bummer especially since I had gone the whole pregnancy without getting any! I breastfed for the first nine months and was actually lucky enough to have dropped the 20 lbs in the first three(ish) months after having Jack. The tough part is even though I have technically lost the weight I gained.... the body just isn't the same. Of course, I realize I haven't been "thin" since sophomore year of college (thank you malfunctioning immune system/thyroid) but the skin of the stomach just isn't the same. I remember for the first month or two it was much worse and with the assistance of a belly band my loose skin stayed in place. Since it has tightened back up considerably. There is still this annoying pouch of flab which I blame for me not being able to find pants to fit me. Then there are the boobs.... well lets just say, they are no longer perky without the assistance of a good ole supportive bra.

I went shopping yesterday.... generally I love shopping but my mood quickly changes after trying on five pairs of pants with zero success.... too tight around the waist... fits around the waist but are baggy everywhere else.... too long.... too "skinny"... ugh how I dread shopping for pants! Then on tv we get to watch how Heidi Klum, Uma Thurman, etc etc... go from baby body to super model body in a matter of two months! Must be nice to have the nanny to watch the kids... the personal chef to cook the healthy meals.... the personal trainer to whip your butt back into shape... and endless supplies of money to buy clothes that fit you oh so perfectly.

I don't know... yea I could join a gym but I know that I will get bored of it. I was always active with sports and dance and thats how I stayed in good shape when I was younger.... running on a treadmill really just doesn't keep my attention. Then there is the diet thing.... my problem is that I really enjoy cooking and eating and honestly things with butter and olive oil just taste better.

The weather is finally turning around and I am very excited about that! I am hoping that the mere idea of a bathing suit is motivation enough for me to get out there... walk, ride my new baby towing bike and eat a bit healthier. I really do want it but its hard, frustrating and plain old upsetting when I try and nothing seems to change..... Maybe this time will be different....

Creating in the Kitchen

This entry has nothing to do with my beautiful son or wonderful husband. This is about me and my love affair with my kitchen and creating a meal. For anyone that knows me, I LOVE cooking! I haven't had the time for the past nine months to cook the way I used to. I would plan out the weeks dinners at the start of the week and loved every second of whipping up the meal, except for the cleanup part. I miss it, I knew I did, but it wasn't until last night that it really hit me.

Myself, my future sister in law Jen and my little brothers girlfriend Rachel planned to do a dinner and a movie night. We decided to watch "Julie and Julia". I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a warm, good for the soul kinda movie, especially if you have a love for food. In honor of the amazing Julia Child I decided to make a French inspired dinner.... Coq au Vin and Jaques Pepin style potatoes. I must say the meal turned out wonderfully. The chicken that had simmered away for several hours in a bottle of red wine, broth, mushrooms, carrots, pearl onions and of course herbes de provence (which I did actually buy in Nice France) was just falling off the bone and filled with flavor. the potatoes were simple, simmer in a saute pan with broth, butter, salt, pepper and garlic then once cooked through, pressed down to make flat ends and browned on each side... then just to make it extra yummy.... extra butter and fresh parsley at the end. As Julia said, you can never have too much butter. It was delicious. Then to top off the night.... homemade crepes filled with nutella, strawberries and bananas!

There is something about being in the kitchen, no sounds except the sound of bacon and vegetables sauteing away in olive oil.... the scent isn't so bad either! I am in a completely different world when I am in the kitchen, it is peaceful... the troubles of the day seem to just fade away and my only concern is making a beautiful and tasty dish that will be enjoyed by people I care about. I am consumed by slicing, chopping, browning, sauteing, deglazing, simmering.... In the end, besides that yummy food, there is a sense of accomplishment, of satisfaction, I am proud of what I created.

When it came to the crepes, the guys were back from their dinner out, Jack included (now sleeping soundly) so they joined us for dessert. I couldn't help but smile every time I successfully flipped a crepe in the air with a perfect landing back in the pan. Steve could see the joy on my face and every time I flipped, he smiled along with me. He said to me, "I love how excited you get". He's right, I do get excited and I miss that. Cooking can so easily slip into a slump where its just a matter of throwing something together because you need to get dinner on the table. Last nights meal was planned out, cooked carefully, slowly and with love.

I need more nights like last night. Watching the movie awakened that in me again. You could see the joy and passion that Julia had when she was creating something beautiful, thats how I felt last night. Julie, who took on the challenge of creating every recipe in Julias book in one year was feeling a bit lost, and some days thats how I feel. While I know for sure that raising Jack is the most important thing in the world, I sometimes feel like I've done nothing that gives me a sense of accomplishment. I see people I went to high school with that have good jobs, that are going to grad school to become lawyers, doctors and then theres me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE my life, my husband, my son... I just feel like I need something that is just for me... and thats what cooking is to me.

So my goal.... plan and create delicious elaborate dinners... at least twice a week. I know, not nearly as ambitious as 524 recipes in 365 days but Julie didn't have a 9 1/2 month old baby at home :-) I do have tons of cookbooks and I will use those as inspiration for my meals. If I find anything good... I'll share!