Nighttime Chaos

I had all intentions of writing an update on the big birthday coming up but then last night happened, so I will write about the rough night now and tomorrow we'll get back to the fun party stuff!

Yes I realize I did a whole blog entry on how he made it two weeks straight with sleeping through the night, it has not been so easy since. It is so inconsistent, he will sleep al night for three nights then the next night he will be up for an hour and the only way to get him to sleep and for us to keep our sanity is by bringing him in bed with us. While I don't really mind that he's there, I know this can't be a daily thing. We are less then two weeks away from Jacks 1st birthday and we still haven't figured out this sleeping thing. We do the same routine every night but the results are never the same. Last night was what I hope will turn out to be a turning point, a huge difficult step in the right direction.

Every night I dread hearing the screams from Jacks room. It used to be a quick fix, small bottle and he'd be back out like a light. No more, he's been getting up and its been a huge struggle to get him back to sleep. This has been getting crazy frustrating for me and Steve. It was understandable a few months ago when he was that much younger but now its different, especially since we've had a taste of quite nights.

Jack did not have any great naps yesterday so I kind of figured he would be over tired and it would be a rough night.Last night I tried something that absolutely killed me but I hope it was a good thing. Steve got up with him initially and tried to calm him without the bottle and I took over a bit after that. So I made progress, no bottle, just rocked and hummed to get him to fall asleep. The problem always comes in when you have to put him back down in his crib. He has this great talent and being so still and seemingly asleep in your arms and then you lay him down and he pops right up crying. After several unsuccessful attempts at the rocking and singing thing I gave in to the method I said I could never do. I let him cry.

I laid him in his crib and he immediately pops up crying so instead of picking him up and stood by the side of the crib and rubbed his back as he screamed. Every once in a while I would try to lay him back down to see if he would just give in. This went on for 45 minutes, he is a stubborn relentless Italian boy. The back rubbing didn't seem to be helping at all but I could tell that he was starting to get worn out. I sat in his rocking chair and with a knot in my stomach and my heart aching to just pick him up and hold him in my arms... especially difficult because he stood there crying and reaching his hand out for me. Ugh, that was so difficult!! Makes me want to cry! I knew I couldn't give in after all that time and that he needs to learn to self soothe so that he can sleep better and get a full nights rest with no struggles. After a few more minutes I got up and tried again to lay him down.... ahhhh he stayed laying and let me just rub his back and he finally gave in and fell asleep.... granted he woke up three times very briefly within the next 15 minutes but the difference is he let me just lay him down and rub his back to fall back to asleep... a huge huge feat in our book! This is the first time we got Jack to fall asleep without a bottle or in our arms.... we are finally making progress.... hopefully!!

So we'll see how tonight goes, I am going to go into figuring there will be a struggle but I pray that he will get the hang of it and in the end will sleep that much better. Its so difficult to do something that in that moment is so hard and saddening but I know that he needs this so I will stick to it.

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Super Simple Pasta

Ok here it is, another yummy recipe... simple and delicious! Give it a try and let me know what you think!

Fresh Linguine with Peas and Pancetta
serves 3-4

3 slices of pancetta, sliced
2-9 oz packages of fresh linguine
2 medium tomatoes
3 garlic cloves. sliced
1 cup frozen peas, thawed
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth, room temp
1/2 cup heavy cream, room temp
1/4 cup grated parmagiano or pecerino romano
10 leaves fresh basil
EVOO
pasta cooking water saved

Get water boiling in a pot for the pasta and cook according to package directions, except that you want to remove the pasta about 1 minute shy of al dente, it will cook in the sauce at the end. In a large saute pan, heat a tablespoon of EVOO. Add sliced pancetta. Cook until golden brown and crispy. Using a slotted spoon, remove pancetta, leaving the oil. Add the garlic and tomatoes. Saute until garlic is just fragrant and tomatoes are slightly softened. If you'd like a little more of a tomato flavor, add 1-2 tbsp of tomato paste at this point and cook until smooth. Add peas and vegetable broth. Simmer for 10 minutes. Add heavy cream and salt and pepper to taste. Simmer another 5 minutes. Add cooked pasta and toss with fresh basil and grated cheese. If there doesn't seem to be enough liquid, add a 1/4 of the pasta water at a time until you reach the consistency you like. Plate pasta, top each bowl with the crisp pancetta and more fresh basil. Enjoy... please let me know if you give it a try and if you like it.

Bon Appetit!

A Split Second

In a split second your heart can drop and for a brief moment you stop breathing. Yesterday was a moment for me. We went to my parents last night for a BBQ. Since it was a bit chilly out Jack only played outside for about 20 minutes. Who knew what would come later. Maybe two hours later, after we ate dinner, I went to put a new bib on Jack and there is was.... on the back of his neck... a nasty tick!! I yelled out that there was a tick on him and tried to see if I could just scrape it off. Of course not! The damn bugger had already started digging in.

What a horrible moment, to think that this disease carrying bug was trying to make its way onto my baby! Maybe I am being a bit over dramatic but this probably goes back to me having that fear of sickness in the back of my mind. After a few minutes of jack screaming and my dad with the tweezers... the tick came out head and all. That of course is a good thing... nothing left behind. Now all that remains is a tiny red spot where the tick was yanked out. We immediately threw him in the bath and checked him over five times. So yes, it was god that I saw it so soon after but still just the thought of it brings enough fear into my head that now I have a new worry added to my list.

My fathers cousin had the misfortune of being bit by a mosquito many years ago, in Florida while fishing in a swamp area. He is now paralyzed in a wheel chair, he had been in a coma for several months and never completely regained his speech. That is horrifying that one bite from one bug can cause such devastation in a persons life and completely alter the day to day.

It all just makes you realize how precious a life is and how life can change in a split second. My lesson learned is to try a bit harder to not sweat the small stuff, to take a deep breath when I am feeling overwhelmed and to never take my husband and son foregranted.

****New Recipe to follow soon****

Dinner Bells are Ringing

So my wonderful future sister in law gave me the idea to post recipes on my blog... so here I am. And hey, cooking is part of being a wife and mommy so it totally makes sense right?!?!?! I'll start super simple today....

A quick, easy and pretty yummy lunch... Ciabatta Caprese Sandwich

1 loaf of Ciabatta bread
1 ball of fresh mozzarella (approx 1 lb), 1/4- 1/2 inche thick slices
1 large tomato or 2 medium, 1/4-1/2 inch thick slices
1 bunch basil
Drizzle of basil infused evoo or just plain evoo
1 tsp dried oregano

Oven set to broil. Slice the loaf of bread down the middle length ways to open up the loaf. On a half tray (baking sheet) drizzle with oil and put under the broiler just to slightly toast it. Take out the bread. on one half of the loaf arrange tomato slices and basil leaves alternating between the two and slightly overlapping each other. On the other side of the loaf arrange the fresh mozzarella slices and basil leaves the same way as the tomatoes. drizzle each half with a little more oil and sprinkle on the dried oregano. Return the tray to the oven and allow the mozzarella to melt and slightly brown, the tomatoes will roast as well. After a few minutes under the broiler (depending on the power of your oven) pull out the tray. Put the top of loaf on the bottom, slice up and enjoy a delicious and simple Caprese Sandwich... a mixed green salad with a balsamic vinaigrette is the perfect side.... Enjoy....

Will keep the recipes coming if you are enjoying it.... please leave feedback!

A longing for a Yard

This past Sunday we spent a good part of the afternoon at my parents house for the Ranger game, BBQ and a Jack visit. It was a beautiful afternoon, sun shining, warm air cool breeze. As I was sitting in the yard watching me mom play with Jack I felt something I haven't felt up until this point, a bit jealous of their yard and the things they had for Jack to play with.

Last week my mom and I had gone to Toys R Us to get a small play set for Jack to have at my parents. Its adorable, two slides, a little climber part and steering wheel for him to drive away to far away magical places.... So here we are Sunday afternoon... my dad had set up the play set in the backyard, there is a blanket laid out with Jacks toys on it, bubbles, a little ride on fire truck.... I couldn't help but envy it all.... we are the parents and we don't have any of these things for Jack to play with. As I am watching him, it is obvious he loves be outside and playing. I am a bit bummed at the fact that if I want to play outside with Jack I have to go to the park to bring him on the swings and slide. Though he is walking (though still a but wobbly) I can't just let him go, not easy to walk on mulch for the little guy. I can't help but wonder if he is sometimes bored with the things we have in the house for him to play with. we bought him a blow up pool but haven not yet done anything with it but we are wondering what we are going to do with it... still not sure how it will fit on the deck or how much of a pain its going to be to fill it up since our hose is in the front of the house.

It was different last year, he was a newborn and wasn't playing with much of anything. Now he is a ball of energy, at the point where he walks 95% of the time and doesn't care to stay still for more then 2 minutes. I guess it goes back to our choice to get a townhouse with all the things inside that we love and sacrificed having a yard for a brand new place to move into. I'm not saying I regret the choice, I had and have no desire to buy a home that needs endless hours of repair and makeover. This then goes back to the expenses of NJ.... for the amount of money we spend on our townhouse we would have only been able to get a 20 year old home with a broken roof....

I guess now that the weather is warming up and I am ready to venture out of the house it would just be nice to go out into the yard and hangout all afternoon.... I perhaps need to find a place I can do this with Jack... I would love to do a little picnic, play with bubbles... all that fun stuff! I want Jack to enjoy the day and not be bored, for him to experience everything. We need to get out of Jersey :-)

Mothers Day

Here we are, about one month away from Mothers Day (which also means we are almost only a month away from Jacks 1st birthday, ah). I was so close last year, Mothers Day fell on the 10th and Jack made his grand entrance two days later. Last year was nice because I was as close to being an official mom as you can get. I was the vessel that made sure Jack was fed, safe and growing strong so that he would be a healthy beautiful boy when the time came. Who knew it would only be two days later, this is because I was scheduled for a c-section for the 14th (breach baby) but Jack had other plans.

This year is something truly amazing, my first real Mothers Day. Its all about the amazing gift that I have been given and the unconditional, endless love that I have for my son. While life is not the same, life is so much better with Jack in my life. Its hard to remember what it was like without him. He brings me so much joy with just a smile or a very slobbery kiss. He has taught me the importance of life is in the small quite moments we have with each other, to not dwell on meaningless drama. He makes everyday interesting.

I will be hosting Mothers Day this year, I have every year since we've had the house except for last year since I was about ready to pop. I will be doing a brunch for the moms in our lives. I love entertaining and this one I am hoping to feel extra special despite the fact that I will be cooking and hosting. I've already got the menu planned and an idea in my head of what the table will look like. I've already picked up some pretty lilac colored napkins and candles to help set the scene. Of course there will be flowers, because well what mommy doesn't love a flower.

I am hoping that this perfect fantasy day in my head isn't met with disappointment (more to my own fault then anything else). It is so easy to picture this perfect day with the adorable first mothers day card, the perfectly meaningful and thoughtful gift.... good food (of course!), good conversation, perfect pictures of me and Jack (and a few with Steve of course, xoxox) with beautiful flowers in the background... too much to wish for? I tend to drive my self nuts until I figure out the perfect gift that we can look back on and be like wow that was a great fathers day or christmas, valentines day or birthday... I try to make the gift special. I know things will not be perfect and its not necessarily about the gift but about the acknowledgment of everything I do for Jack on a daily basis and everything I do for my family. I think we could all agree with that, right? Life goes by so quickly and we tend to not take the opportunity to thank our parents, spouse.... for all that they do and how much we appreciate them. This is all I hope for this mothers day.

An amazing "mama" and a big kiss from the munchkin wouldn't hurt either.

So what are your plans for this coming mothers day? Feel free to post a comment on the special mom in your life, would love to hear a great story about how your mom, grandma, whoever, has inspired you in some way. I am very thankful for my mom who will do anything for me and has helped me in every way she knows how. So I thank her for helping me become the person I am today and for being there for me at the drop of a dime when I need her.

A Simple Day

Finally nice weather has arrived and is hopefully here to stay. It is days like today that I want to spend the whole day basking in the warmth of the sun and enjoying a cool breeze! This afternoon Steve and I took Jack to the reservoir for a walk and to hit up the swings and slide! It was perfect, not really a care in the world when you are surrounding my trees, chirping birds and the two people you love most in the world. As we walked we passed so many families that were doing the same thing as us, enjoying the simple things. There was the kids fishing, the dad and son throwing a ball, parents pushing their kids on the swings.... simplicity at its finest.

I can't help but let my mind wonder while we were walking, even a little bit while Steve spoke on and on about stocks (love you babe!). Jack was sound asleep in his stroller and I was just staring at him as we walked. He is getting so big so fast. Yes, I realize I am constantly stating this fact but it is so true and slightly depressing. I read something that said that many mothers start feeling a bit "he's not my little baby anymore" syndrome as the first birthday is approaching. I totally feel that way, not that I don't completely enjoy all the new and fun things he can do now that he couldn't do 4 months, 4 weeks or 4 days ago. I so badly miss the little peanut curling up on me, with his entire body fitting on my chest, and just falling asleep. I miss that amazing newborn baby gaze, oh that look they give you is the most incredible thing in the world. Now here we are and he is walking and has the greatest personality! Ah!

So anyhow... yes he's older so now and I look forward to really enjoying the outdoors this summer with him. We can do so much more for him this time around, you know since he was only a few months old last summer. So know I must start thinking of some really fun and age appropriate places to take day trips to. I guess this kind of goes along with the whole wanting him to experience everything that we can offer him... new places, sites, foods... I want him to be well rounded and as he gets older, for him to decide what interests him the most.

So, I haven't really looked into anything yet but am surely open to suggestions.... I will of course keep you posted of anything wonderful I find.

(((( I have some amazing new photos but for some reason I can't upload at the moment)))